法语台词

太频仍陈词滥调,只敢见到影片前半片段——夕阳下第贰次会见、船艉的相遇、甲板上尬聊、闺阁里的写生和马车的里面欢爱。写一些作者发觉的相比较风趣的对话好了。

There’s an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskill Mountain resort
-One of ’em says, “The food at this place is really terrible.” -The
other one says, “Yeah, I know. And such small portions.” -That’s
essentially how I feel about life -Full of loneliness and misery and
suffering and unhappiness -And it’s all over much too quickly -The other
important joke for me is one that’s usually attributed to Groucho Marx
-I think it appears originally in Freud’s Wit and its Relation to the
Unconscious. -It goes like this – I’m paraphrasing. I would never wanna
belong to any club -that would have someone like me for a member -That’s
the key joke of my adult life in terms of my relationships with women
-Lately the strangest things have been going through my mind -Cos I
turned , and I guess I’m going through a life crisis -I’m not worried
about ageing. Although I’m balding slightly on top -That’s about the
worst you can say about me -I think I’m gonna get better as I get older
-I think I’m gonna be the balding virile type -as opposed to, say, the
distinguished grey, for instance -Unless I’m one of those guys with
saliva dribbling out of his mouth -who wanders into a cafeteria with a
shopping bag -screaming about socialism -Annie and I broke up. And I
still can’t get my mind around that -I keep sifting the pieces of the
relationship through my mind -examining my life, and trying to figure
out – where did the screwup come? -A year ago we were… in love, you know
-And… It’s funny… I’m not a morose type. I’m not a depressive character
-I… I… You know… -I was a reasonably happy kid, I guess -I was brought
up in Brooklyn during World War II -He’s been depressed. All of a sudden
he can’t do anything — Why are you depressed, Alvy? – Tell Dr Flicker
-It’s something he read -Something he read, uh? — The universe is
expanding. – The universe is expanding? -The universe is everything. If
it’s expanding, someday it will break apart -and that will be the end of
everything -What is that your business? -He stopped doing his homework
— What’s the point? – What has the universe got to do with it? -You’re
here in Brooklyn! Brooklyn is not expanding! -It won’t be expanding for
billions of years yet, Alvy -And we’ve gotta try and enjoy ourselves
while we’re here, uh? -My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood
memories. -But I was brought up under the roller coaster -in the Coney
Island section of Brooklyn. -Maybe that accounts for my personality,
which is a little nervous. -I have a hyperactive imagination. -My mind
tends to jump around a little. -I have some trouble between fantasy and
reality. -My father ran the bumper car concession. -There he is. -And
there I am. -I used to get my aggression out through those cars all the
time. -I remember the staff at our public school. -We had a saying:
“Those who can”t do, teach, -and those who can“t teach, teach gym.” -And
those who couldnt do anything, I think, were assigned to our school. -I
always thought my schoolmates were idiots. -Melvyn Greenglass. His fat
little face. -And Henrietta Farrell. Just Miss perfect all the time.
-And lvan Ackerman. Always the wrong answer. Always. -Seven and three is
nine -Even then, I knew they were just jerks. -In I had already
discovered women. -He kissed me! He kissed me! -That’s the second time
this month! Step up here — What did I do? – Step up here! -You should
be ashamed of yourself -Why? I was just expressing a healthy sexual
curiosity -Six-year-old boys don’t have girls on their minds -I did -For
God’s sakes, Alvy! Even Freud speaks of a latency period -Well, I never
had a latency period. I can’t help it -Why couldn’t you have been more
like Donald? Now there was a model boy -Tell the folks where you are
today -I run a profitable dress company -Sometimes I wonder where my
classmates are today. -I’m president of the pinkus plumbing Company -I
sell tallises -I used to be a heroin addict. Now I’m a methadone addict
-I’m into leather -I lost track of most of my schoolmates, but I wound
up a comedian. -They did not take me in the army. I was… Interestingly
enough… I was -p -In the event of war, I’m a hostage -You always only
saw the worst in people -You never could get along with anyone in school
-You were always out of step with the world -Even when you got famous,
you still distrusted the world -I distinctly heard it. He muttered under
his breath, “Jew.” -You’re crazy -We were walking off the tennis court.
Him and me and his wife -He looked at her and they both looked at me.
And under his breath he said, “Jew.” -Alvy, you’re a total paranoid -I
pick up on those kinda things -I was having lunch with some guys from
NBC. So I said, “Did you eat yet or what?” -And Tom Christie said, “No.
D’you?” -Not “Did you”. “D’you eat?” “D’you?” -Not “Did you eat?” but
“D’you eat?” “Jew?” You get it? “Jew eat?” — Max… – Stop calling me Max
-Why, Max? It’s a good name for you. Max, you see conspiracies in
everything -I was in a record store. There’s this big, tall, blond,
crew-cutted guy -looking at me in a funny way and saying, “We have a
sale this week on Wagner.” -Wagner, Max. Wagner. I know what he’s really
trying to tell me, very significantly -Right, Max -California, Max —
Get the hell out of this crazy city. – Forget it -We move to sunny LA.
All of show business is there -No. I don’t wanna live in a city where
the only cultural advantage -is that you can make a right turn on a red
light -Forget it. Aren’t you late for meeting Annie? -I’m meeting her at
the Beekman. I have a few minutes -Are you on television? -Once in a
while. Occasionally — What’s your name? – You wouldn’t know it. It
doesn’t matter -You were on the… uh… The Johnny Carson, right? -Once in
a while, you know -What’s your name? -I’m… I’m Robert Redford -Come on!
-Alvy Singer. It was nice… Thanks very much for everything -Hey! -What?
-This is Alvy Singer! -Fellas, you know… -This guy’s on television. Alvy
Singer? Am I right? — Give me a break. – This guy’s on television -I
need a large polo mallet — Who’s on television? – On The Johnny Carson
Show. -Is this a meeting of the Teamsters? — What programme? – Can I
have your autograph? — You don’t want my autograph. – No, I do. It’s
for my girlfriend -Make it out to Ralph — Your girlfriend’s name is
Ralph? – It’s for my brudder -You’re really Alvy Singer, the TV star?
-Alvy Singer over here! -It’s all right, fellas -Jesus! What did you do?
Come by way of the panama Canal? — I’m in a bad mood. – I’m here with
the cast of The Godfather. — You have to learn to deal with it. – I’m
dealing with guys named Cheech! -please. I have a headache, all right?
-You are in a bad mood. You must be getting your period -Every time
anything out of the ordinary happens, you think I’m getting my period!
-A little louder. I think one of them may have missed it — Has the
picture started? – It started two minutes ago -That’s it. Forget it. I
can’t go in — Two minutes, Alvy. – I can’t do it. We’ve blown it
already -I can’t go in in the middle -We’ll only miss the titles.
They’re in Swedish — You wanna get coffee for two hours? – Two hours?
No. I’m going in — Go ahead. Goodbye. – While we’re talking, we could
be inside -Can we not stand here and argue in front of everybody? I get
embarrassed -All right. So what do you wanna do? -I don’t know now. You
wanna go to another movie? -Let’s go see The Sorrow and the pity. -Come
on. I’m not in the mood to see a four-hour documentary on Nazis -Well,
I’m sorry. I’ve gotta see a picture exactly from the start to the finish
-Cos… Cos I’m anal -That’s a polite word for what you are -We saw the
Fellini film last Tuesday. It is not one of his best -It lacks a
cohesive structure -You get the feeling that he’s not absolutely sure
what it is he wants to say -I’ve always felt he was essentially a
technical filmmaker -Granted, La Strada was a great film. Great in its
use of negative imagery -I can’t stand this guy. I’m gonna have a stroke
-Well, stop listening to him -He’s screaming his opinions in my ear
-Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or Satyricon. -I found it
incredibly… indulgent -He really is. He’s one of the most indulgent
filmmakers -The key word here is indulgent -Without getting… — What are
you depressed about? – I missed my therapy. I overslept — How can you
possibly oversleep? – The alarm clock -Do you know what a hostile
gesture that is to me? -I know. Because of our sexual problem, right?
-Everybody at The New Yorker has to know our rate of intercourse? -It’s
like Samuel Beckett -I admire the technique, but it doesn’t hit me on a
gut level — I’d like to hit this guy on a gut level. – Stop it, Alvy!
-He’s spitting on my neck. He’s spitting on my neck when he talks -You
know, you’re so egocentric that if I miss my therapy -you can only think
of it in terms of how it affects you. -Weltanschauung is what it is
-probably on their first date -probably met by answering an ad in the
New York Review of Books. -Thirtyish academic wishes to meet woman
-who’s interested in Mozart, James Joyce and sodomy -Our sexual problem?
I’m comparatively normal for a guy raised in Brooklyn -OK. I’m very
sorry. My sexual problem. OK? My sexual problem -I never read that. That
was a Henry James novel? Sequel of The Turn of the Screw? -It’s the
influence of television -Now, Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms of
it being a high… -high intensity. You understand? A hot medium… -What I
wouldn’t give for a large sock with horse manure in it -What do you do
when you get stuck in a movie line with a guy like this behind? -Why
can’t I give my opinion? It’s a free country -Do you have to give it so
loud? Aren’t you ashamed to pontificate like that? -The funny part is,
you don’t know anything about Marshall McLuhan -Really? I happen to
teach a class at Columbia called TV, Media and Culture. -So I think my
insights into Mr McLuhan have a great deal of validity -Oh, do you?
That’s funny, because I happen to have Mr McLuhan right here -Just let
me… Come over here a second -I heard what you were saying -You know
nothing of my work -You mean my whole fallacy is wrong -How you ever got
to teach a course in anything is totally amazing -Boy, if life were only
like this! -June th, . The German army occupies paris. -All over the
country, people are desperate for every available scrap of news. -Those
guys in the French Resistance were really brave -To have to listen to
Maurice Chevalier sing so much -Sometimes I ask myself how I’d stand up
under torture -The Gestapo would take away your Bloomingdale’s charge
card -and you’d tell ’em everything -That movie makes me feel guilty
-Yeah, cos it’s supposed to -Alvy… -What? What… What’s the matter? -I
don’t… I don’t know -It’s not natural. We’re sleeping in a bed together.
You know, it’s been a long time -Well, it’s just that I gotta sing
tomorrow night, so I have to rest my voice -There’s always an excuse.
You used to think I was very sexy -When we first started going out, we
had sex constantly -We’re probably in the Guinness Book of World
Records. -Alvy, it’ll pass. I’m going through a phase. That’s all
-You’ve been married before. You know how things can get -You were very
hot for Allison at first -You’re on right after Chris Brown, which looks
about minutes -Excuse me. When do I go on? -Who are you? -Alvy Singer
-I’m a comedian -Oh, comedian. Yeah -Oh. You’re on next -What do you
mean, next? I’m… -You’re on right after this act -No, it can’t be.
Because he’s a comic -Yes — You’re putting on two comics in a row? –
Why not? -No, I’m sorry. I don’t wanna go on after another comedian
-It’s OK -No. Because they’re laughing. So I’d… rather not -Will you
relax? They’re gonna love you -I’d prefer not to. Look. They’re laughing
at him -They’re gonna laugh at him then I gotta go out -I gotta get
laughs too. How much can they laugh? — They’re laughed out. – Do you
feel all right? -Jesus! -What’s your name? -Allison -Yeah? -Allison
what? -portchnik — That’s nice. – Thank you -Allison portchnik -So,
what are you telling me? You work for Stevenson all the time or what?
-No. I’m in the midst of doing my thesis -On what? -political Commitment
in th-Century Literature. -You’re like… New York, Jewish, left-wing,
liberal, intellectual -Central park West, Brandeis University, socialist
summer camps? -The father with the Ben Shahn drawings? The really
strike-oriented… -Stop me before I make a complete imbecile of myself
-No. That was wonderful. I love being reduced to a cultural stereotype
-Right. I’m a bigot. But for the Left -I have to go out there. Say
something encouraging. Quickly — I think you’re cute. – Do you? -Go
ahead -I don’t know why they would have me at this kind of rally cos…
-I’m not essentially a political comedian at all -I interestingly had…
dated a woman -in the Eisenhower administration briefly -And it was
ironic to me cos… -Cos I was trying to do to her -what Eisenhower has
been doing to the country for the last eight years -I’m sorry. I can’t
go through with this -I can’t get it off my mind, Allison. It’s
obsessing me -I’m getting tired of it. I need your attention -But it
doesn’t make any sense. He drove past the book depository -and the
police said conclusively that it was an exit wound -So how is it
possible for Oswald to have fired from two angles at once? -It doesn’t
make sense! -I’ll tell you this. He was not marksman enough -to hit a
moving target at that range -But… -if there was a second assassin… —
That’s it! – We’ve been through this -They recovered the shells from
that rifle -OK. What are you saying now? -Everybody on the Warren
Commission is in on this conspiracy, right? -Well, why not? -Yeah. Earl
Warren? -Hey, honey. I don’t know Earl Warren -Lyndon Johnson? -Lyndon
Johnson is a politician! You know the ethics those guys have -It’s like
a notch underneath child molester -Then everybody’s in on the conspiracy
-The FBI and the CIA and J Edgar Hoover and oil companies -and the
pentagon and the men’s room attendant at the White House -I would leave
out the men’s room attendant -You’re using this conspiracy theory as an
excuse to avoid sex with me -Oh, my God! -She’s right -Why did I turn
off Allison portchnik? -She was beautiful, she was willing, she was real
intelligent -Is it the old Groucho Marx joke that I just don’t wanna
belong to any club -that would have someone like me for a member? -Alvy,
don’t panic! please stop it! -It’s a mistake to ever bring a live thing
in the house -Stop it! Go for that one there -Maybe we should call the
police. Dial . It’s the lobster squad -They’re only baby ones, for God’s
sakes — If they’re only babies, you pick ’em up. – All right! All
right! — Here you go! – Don’t give it to me! Don’t! -Look! One crawled
behind the refrigerator -It’ll turn up in our bed at night -Will you get
out of here with that thing? Jesus! -Talk to ’em. You speak shellfish
-Hey, look. put it in the pot -I can’t put it in the pot! I can’t put a
live thing in hot water! -You think we’re gonna take him to the movies?
-Oh, good, Alvy. Oh, thank you -OK. It’s in. It’s definitely in the pot
-Annie, there’s a big lobster behind the refrigerator -I can’t get it
out. This thing’s heavy -Maybe if I put a dish of butter sauce here with
a nutcracker, it’ll run out -I’m gonna get my camera -I think if I could
pry the door off… -We should have gotten steaks. They don’t run around
-Goddamn it! Oh, jeez! -pick this lobster up. Hold it, please -You’re
gonna take pictures now? -Alvy, it’ll be wonderful. Oh, lovely! -Oh,
God! That’s disgusting! -One more, Alvy. please! -Oh, good! Good!
-Here’s what I want to know. Am I your first big romance? -Oh, no. No,
no -Really? Who was? -There was Dennis from Chippewa Falls High School
-Dennis? Local kid? Would meet you in front of the movie house? -You
should have seen what I looked like then. -I can imagine. probably the
wife of an astronaut. -Then there was Jerry, the actor. -Look at you.
You’re such a clown -I look pretty -You always look pretty. But that
guy… -Acting is like an exploration of the soul. It’s very religious
-Like a kind of liberating consciousness -It’s like a visual poem -Is he
kidding with that crap? -Oh, right -I think I know exactly what you mean
when you say “religious” -You do? — Oh, come on. I was younger. – Hey,
that was last year -It’s like when I think of dying — You know how I’d
like to die? – No. How? -I’d like to get torn apart by wild animals
-Heavy! Eaten by some squirrels! -Listen, he was a terrific actor. He’s
neat-looking and he was emotional… -I don’t think you like emotion too
much -Touch my heart… with your foot -I may throw up -He was creepy -I
think you’re pretty lucky I came along -Oh, really? Well, la-de-da -If
anyone had ever told me I would be taking out a girl -who used
expressions like la-de-da… -You really like those New York girls —
Well, not just. Not only. – I’d say so. You married two of them -There’s
Henry Drucker. He has a chair in history at princeton -The short man is
Hershel Kaminsky. He has a chair in philosophy at Cornell -Two more
chairs, they got a dining room set — Why are you so hostile? – Cos I
wanna watch the Knicks on TV -Is that paul Goodman? No -Be nice to the
host, because he’s publishing my book -Douglas Wyatt. The Foul Rag and
Bone Shop of the Heart. -I’m so tired of making fake insights with
people who work for Dysentery. -Commentary. -Really? I heard Commentary
and Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery. -No jokes. These are
friends, OK? -Here you are -There’s people out there -Two minutes ago
the Knicks are ahead points, and now they’re ahead two points -What is
so fascinating about a group of pituitary cases -trying to stuff a ball
through a hoop? -What is fascinating is that it’s physical
-Intellectuals prove you can be absolutely brilliant -and have no idea
what’s going on -But, on the other hand, the body doesn’t lie -as we now
know -Stop acting out -It’ll be great. All those phDs are in there
discussing modes of alienation -and we’ll be in here quietly humping
-Alvy, don’t. You’re using sex to express hostility -Why do you always
reduce my animal urges to psychoanalytic categories? -He said, as he
removed her brassiere -There are people out there from The New Yorker
magazine! -Oh, my God -What would they think? -Damn siren! -OK. Don’t
get upset -Dammit! I was so close! -Last night it was a guy honking his
car horn. The city can’t close down -You wanna have them shut down the
airport too? -No more flights so we can have sex? -I’m too tense. I need
a Valium -My analyst says I should live in the country and not in New
York -We can’t have this discussion. The country makes me nervous
-You’ve got crickets. There’s no place to walk after dinner -The screens
with the dead moths behind ’em -You got the Manson family, possibly. You
got Dick and Terry -OK! OK! My analyst just thinks I’m too tense.
Where’s the goddamn Valium? -It’s quiet now. We can start again -I
can’t. My head is throbbing — You got a headache? – I have a headache
-Bad? — Like Oswald in Ghosts. – Jesus! -Where are you going? -I’m
going to take another in a series of cold showers -Max, my serve will
send you to the showers early -The failure of the country to get behind
New York City is anti-Semitism -Max, the city is terribly run -I’m not
discussing politics or economics. This is foreskin -Every time some
group disagrees with you, it’s because of anti-Semitism -The rest of the
country sees New York -as left-wing, Communist, Jewish, homosexual
pornographers -I think of us that way sometimes, and I live here -Max,
if we lived in California, we could play outdoors every day in the sun
-Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad -Sun,
milk, red meat, college -I know, but I… -Egad. Here he comes -You know
Alvy? This is Janet -This is Annie Hall -This is Alvy -Who’s playing
with who? -You and me against them? — I can’t play too good, you know?


  • I’ve had four lessons -Hi! -Well… -Bye -You play very well -Oh, yeah?
    So do you -Oh, God. What a dumb thing to say, right? -You say, “You play
    well” and then right away I have to say, “You play well.” -Oh! -God,
    Annie. Well… -Oh, well -You want a lift? -Oh, why? -You got a car? -Me?
    No. I was gonna take a cab -Oh, no. I have a car -You have a car? -I
    don’t understand. If you have a car, so then… -why did you say, “Do you
    have a car?” Like you wanted a lift? -I don’t… I don’t… -Jeez, I don’t
    know. I wasn’t… -It’s… I’ve got this VW out there -What a jerk! Yeah
    -Would you like a lift? -Sure. Which way are you going? -Me? Downtown
    -I’m going uptown -Well, you know, I’m going uptown too -You just said
    you were going downtown -Sorry -I can go uptown too. I live uptown, but
    what the hell! -Lt’ll be nice having company. I hate driving alone -So
    where do you know Janet from? — I’m in her acting class. – You’re an
    actress? -Well, I do commercials, sort of — You’re not from New York,
    right? – Chippewa Falls — Where? – Wisconsin -You’re driving a tad
    rapidly -Don’t worry. I’m a very good driver. I’m good — You want some
    gum anyway? – No. No, thanks -Hey, don’t… No, no. Would you watch the
    road? I’ll get it! — I’ll get you a piece. – So, you drive? -Do I
    drive? No. I’ve got a problem with driving -Oh, you do? -I’ve got a
    licence, but I have too much hostility -Nice car. You keep it nice -Can
    I ask you? Is this a sandwich? -Huh? Oh, yeah -I live over here. Oh, my
    God! Look! There’s a parking space -That’s OK. We can walk to the kerb
    from here — You want your tennis stuff? – Oh. Yeah -That’s good.
    Thanks. Thanks a lot -Well… -Thank you -You’re a wonderful tennis player
    and… -you’re the worst driver I’ve ever seen in my life -Anyplace.
    Europe. The United… Anyplace. Asia — And I love what you’re wearing. –
    Oh, you do, yeah? -Oh, well, it’s a… This tie is a present from Grammy
    Hall -Who? Grammy… Grammy Hall? -Yeah, my grammy -Did you grow up in a
    Norman Rockwell painting? — Your grammy? – I know. It’s pretty silly,
    isn’t it? -My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by
    Cossacks -Well… -Thank you again -Hey, you wanna come upstairs and have
    a glass of wine or something? -I mean, you don’t have to. You’re
    probably late -No, that’d be fine. I wouldn’t mind. Sure -I’ve got time.
    I’ve got nothing… till my analyst appointment -Oh, you see an analyst?
    -Yeah. Just for years -I’m gonna give him one more year and then I’m
    going to Lourdes -… Nah! Come on! -Yeah? Really? -Sylvia plath?
    Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide -was misinterpreted as romantic
    by the college-girl mentality -Oh, sorry -I don’t know. Some of her
    poems seem neat -Neat? I hate to tell you, this is -“Neat” went out, I
    would say, at the turn of the century -Who are those photos on the wall?
    -Oh! Well, you see now… that’s my dad -That’s Father. And that’s my
    brother Duane — Duane? – Yeah, right. Duane -And over there is Grammy
    Hall. And that’s Sadie — Who’s Sadie? – Oh, well, Sadie… -Sadie met
    Grammy through Grammy’s brother George -George was real sweet. He had
    that thing… -What is that thing where you fall asleep in the middle of a
    sentence? What is it? — Narcolepsy. – Right, right! -So anyway… George
    went to the union, you see, to get his free turkey -The union always
    gave George this free turkey at Christmas time -because he was
    shell-shocked in the First World War -Anyway, so George is standing in
    line – oh, just a sec – getting his free turkey -But the thing is, is
    that he falls asleep -and he never wakes up! -So… so he’s dead! -He’s
    dead. Yeah -Oh, dear -Well… Terrible, huh? Wouldn’t you say? I mean,
    that’s pretty awful -It’s a great story, though. It really made my day
    -I think I should get outta here cos I think I’m imposing -Really? Well,
    maybe… -You know, I… — You don’t have to, you know. – I’m all perspired
    and everything -Didn’t you take a shower at the club? -Me? No. Cos I
    never shower in a public place -Why not? -Cos I don’t like to get naked
    in front of another man -Oh, I see. I see -I don’t like to show my body
    to a man of my gender -You never know what’s gonna happen — years, huh?
  • years, yeah. That’s… -God bless -You’re what Grammy Hall would call “a
    real Jew” -Thank you -Yeah, well, she hates Jews. She thinks that they
    just make money -But she’s the one. Is she ever! I’m tellin’ you -So did
    you do those photographs in there or what? -Yeah. I sort of dabble
    around, you know. I dabble? Listen to me – what a jerk! -They’re
    wonderful, you know. They have a… a quality. You are a great-looking
    girl. -Well, I would like to take a serious photography course. He
    probably thinks lm a yo-yo. -photography’s interesting cos it’s a new
    art form, I wonder what she looks like naked. -And a set of aesthetic
    criteria have not emerged yet -Aesthetic criteria? You mean whether it’s
    a good photo or not? Lm not smart enough for him. Hang in there. -The
    medium enters in as a condition of the art form itself. I don“t know
    what l”m saying. She senses lm shallow. -Well… to me… I mean, it’s…
    it’s… It’s all instinctive. I just try to feel it. God, I hope he doesnt
    turn out to be a shmuck like the others. -I try to get a sense of it and
    not think about it so much -Still, you need a set of aesthetic
    guidelines to put it in social perspective. Christ, I sound like FM
    radio. Relax! -Well, I don’t know -I guess you must be sort of late,
    huh? -You know, I gotta get there and begin whining soon. Otherwise I…
    — Hey, are you busy Friday night? – Me? -Oh, uh, no -Oh, I’m sorry! I
    have something -What about Saturday night? -Nothing. No, no -You’re very
    popular, I can see — I know. – Do you have plague? -Well, I mean, I
    meet a lot of jerks -I meet a lot of jerks too. I think that’s a… -But
    I’m thinking about getting some cats -Oh, wait a second. Oh, no, no!
    -Oh, shoot! No. Saturday night I’m gonna… -I’m gonna sing. Yeah -You’re
    gonna sing? Do you sing? No kidding? — This is my first time. – Really?
    Where? I’d like to come — Oh, no! – I’m interested -I’m just… I’m
    auditioning at this club. I don’t… — It’s my first time. – It’s OK. I
    know exactly what that’s like -You’re gonna like nightclubs. They’re
    really a lot of fun -It had to be you -It had to be you -I wandered
    around -And finally found -The somebody who -Could make me be true
    -Could make me be blue -And even be glad -Just to be sad -Thinking of
    you -I was awful! I’m so ashamed! I can’t sing! -So the audience was a
    tad restless -What do you mean, a tad restless? They hated me! -They
    didn’t! You have a wonderful voice! — I’m gonna quit. – I won’t let
    you. You have a great voice — Really? Do you think so? Really? – Yeah.
    It’s terrific -I never even took a lesson, either -Hey, listen. Give me
    a kiss — Really? – Because we’re just gonna go home later -There’s
    gonna be all that tension and I won’t know when to make the right move
    -So we’ll kiss now, we’ll get it over with and then go eat — We’ll
    digest our food better. – OK -So now we can digest our food -I’m gonna
    have the corned beef, please -Oh. I’m gonna have pastrami on white bread
    -with mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce -So… your second wife left
    you. And were you depressed about that? -Nothing that a few megavitamins
    couldn’t cure -And your first wife? Allison? -She was nice, but… That
    was my fault. I was just… I was too crazy -That was so nice -That was
    nice -As Balzac said, “There goes another novel.” -You were great -Yeah.
    I’m wrecked — You’re wrecked! – I mean it -I will never play the piano
    again -It was… I don’t know. You really thought it was good? -Yes -That
    was the most fun I’ve ever had without laughing -Here. You want some?
    -No. I… I don’t… use any major hallucinogenics because I… -took a puff
    about five years ago at a party and… -Tried to take my pants off over my
    head -Something got in one ear -Well, I don’t really… I don’t do it very
    often -It just sort of relaxes me — You’re not gonna believe this, but…
  • What? -I’m gonna buy you these books because I think you should read
    them — Instead of that cat book. – That’s pretty serious stuff there
    -Yeah. Cos I’m obsessed with death, I think. Big subject with me -I have
    a very pessimistic view of life -You should know this if we’re gonna go
    out -I feel that life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable
    -Those are the two categories. The horrible would be like terminal cases
    -And blind people. And cripples. I don’t know how they get through life
    -And the miserable is everyone else -So you should be thankful that
    you’re miserable -You’re very lucky to be miserable -Look at that guy
    -In the pink. Mr Miami Beach there -He’s just come back from the gin
    rummy finals -placed third -Look at these guys. They’re back from Fire
    Island. They’re giving it a chance — Italian, right? – Him? Yeah, he’s
    the Mafia -Linen supply business or cement and contracting, I think
    -“Oh, gee! Must have my moustache waxed.” -There’s the winner of the
    Truman Capote lookalike contest -You are extremely sexy. Unbelievably
    sexy — No, I’m not. – Yes, you are -You know what you are? You’re
    polymorphously perverse -What does that mean? I don’t know what that is
    -You’re exceptional in bed because you get pleasure -in every part of
    your body when I touch you. Like the tip of your nose -If I stroke your
    teeth or your kneecaps, you suddenly get excited -You know what? I like
    you -I really do like you -Do you love me? That’s the key question -I
    know you’ve only known me a short while -I think that’s sort of… Yeah.
    Yeah, yeah -Do you love me? -Love is… too weak a word for… the way I
    feel -I lurve you. You know, I loave you -I luff you. With two Fs. Yes,
    I have to invent… -Of course I do. Don’t you think I do? -I don’t know
    -You’re not gonna give up your apartment, are you? -Of course — But
    why? – I’m moving in with you — But you’ve got a nice apartment. – I
    have a tiny apartment — I know it’s small. – And it’s got bad plumbing
    and bugs -Granted. It has bad plumbing and bugs. You say that like it’s
    a negative thing -You know, bugs are… Entomology is a rapidly growing
    field — You don’t want me to live with you. – I don’t want you to live
    with me? — Whose idea was it? – Mine -It was yours, actually. But I
    approved it immediately -I guess you think I talked you into something,
    huh? -No! We live together, we sleep together, we eat together -Jesus!
    You don’t want it to be like we’re married, do you? — How is it any
    different? – Cos you keep your own apartment -We don’t have to go to it.
    We don’t have to deal with it -It’s like a free-floating life raft. That
    we know that we’re not married -That little apartment is $ a month, Alvy
    — That place is $ a month? – Yes, it is -It’s got bad plumbing and bugs
    -Jesus! My accountant will write it off as a tax deduction. I’ll pay for
    it — You don’t think I’m smart enough. – Hey, don’t be ridiculous -Then
    why are you always pushing me to take college courses like I was dumb?
    -Adult education’s a wonderful thing -You meet interesting professors.
    It’s stimulating -Does this sound like a good course? -“Modern American
    poetry”? -Or let’s see now. Maybe I should take… -“Introduction to the
    Novel” -Just don’t take any course where they make you read Beowulf.
    -Hey, what do you think? You think we should go to that party in
    Southampton? -Don’t be silly. What do we need other people for? -We
    should just turn out the lights and play hide the salami or something
    -Well, listen, I’m gonna get a cigarette -Grass, right? The illusion
    that it will make a white woman more like Billie Holiday — Well, have
    you ever made love high? – Me? No -If I have grass or alcohol or
    anything, I get unbearably wonderful -I get too wonderful for words -I
    don’t know why you have to get high every time we make love — Well, it
    relaxes me. – You have to be artificially relaxed — before we can go to
    bed? – What’s the difference? -Take a shot of Sodium pentothal. You can
    sleep through it -You’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for years -You
    should smoke this. You’d be off the couch in no time — Come on. You
    don’t need that. – What are you doing? — No, Alvy. please. – You can
    live without it once -Wait. I got a great idea -Hang in there for a
    second. I got a little artefact -A little erotic artefact that I brought
    up from the city -which I think is gonna be perfect -There. Create a
    little old New Orleans essence -Now we can go about our business here
    -and even develop photographs if we want to — Hey, is something wrong?
  • No. Why? -I don’t know. It’s like you’re removed — No, I’m fine. –
    Really? -I don’t know. You seem sorta distant -Let’s just do it, all
    right? -Is it my imagination or are you just going through the motions?
    -Do you remember where I put my drawing pad? -While you two are doing
    that, I think I’m gonna do some drawing — That’s what I call removed. –
    Oh, you have my body -Yeah, but I want the whole thing -Well, I need
    grass -Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass -I’m a comedian. If I
    get a laugh from a person who’s high -it doesn’t count, cos they’re
    always laughing — Were you always funny? – What is this? An interview?
    -We’re supposed to be making love -This guy is naturally funny. I think
    he can write for you -Yeah, yeah. Hey, kid, he tells me you’re really
    good -Let me explain how I work -I don’t look like a funny guy like some
    of the guys that come out -You know you’re gonna fall down -But
    material’s gotta be sensational for me. I work with very… I’m kinda
    classy -Let me explain. For instance, I open with a song. Musical style
    like… -place looks wonderful from here -And you folks look wonderful
    from here -And seeing you there with a smile on your face -Makes me
    shout “This must be the place” -Then I open with some jokes. That’s
    where I need you -“I just got back from Canada. They speak a lot of
    French up there.” -“The word to remember is Jeanne d”Arc. It means the
    light’s out in the bathroom -“I met a big lumberjack…” -Jesus! This guys
    pathetic. -Look at him mincing around. -He thinks hes real cute. You
    wanna throw up. -If only I had the nerve to do my own jokes. -I dont
    know how much longer I can keep this smile frozen on my face. -Lm in the
    wrong business. I know it. -“But… chéri…” -“What will I do with this?”
    -“Oh, Marie! Sometime you make me so mad!” -They scream at that! Write
    me something like that. A French number. Can you do it? -Where am I? I
    have to reorient myself -This is the University of Wisconsin, right? Cos
    I’m always… tense… -I have a very bad history with colleges. I went to
    New York University -And I was thrown out of NYU in my freshman year
    -for cheating on my metaphysics final -I looked within the soul of the
    boy sitting next to me -My mother, an emotionally high-strung woman
    -locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of mah-jongg tiles
    -I was depressed at that time. I was in analysis -I was suicidal, as a
    matter of fact, and would have killed myself -But I was in analysis with
    a strict Freudian -If you kill yourself, they make you pay for the
    sessions you miss -Alvy, you were just great. I’m not kidding. It was…
    — You were so funny. – College audiences are wonderful -And I’m
    starting to get more of the references too -Are you? Well, the o’clock
    show’s completely different -I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.
    You’ll meet Mother and Father — They’ll hate me immediately. – I don’t
    think so -I don’t think they’re gonna hate you at all. It’s Easter.
    We’ll have a nice dinner -I think they’re gonna really like you -It’s a
    nice ham this year, Mom -Oh, yeah -Grammy always does such a good job -A
    great sauce! -It is. It’s dynamite ham -We went over to the swap meet
    -Annie, Gram and I. We got some nice picture frames -We really had a
    good time -Ann tells us that you’ve been seeing a psychiatrist for years
    -Yes. I’m making excellent progress -pretty soon when I lie down on his
    couch, I won’t have to wear the lobster bib — Duane and I went out to
    the boat basin. – We were caulking holes all day -And Randolph Hunt was
    drunk. As usual -That Randolph Hunt. You remember Randy Hunt, Annie —
    He was in the choir with you. – Oh, yes -I can’t believe this family
    -Annie’s mother is really beautiful -And they’re talking swap meets and
    boat basins -And the old lady at the end of the table is a classic
    Jew-hater -They really look American. Very healthy. Like they never get
    sick or anything -Nothing like my family. The two are like oil and water
    -Let him drop dead. Who needs his business? — His wife has diabetes. –
    Diabetes? -Is that an excuse? Diabetes? -The man is years old and
    doesn’t have a substantial job — Is that a reason to steal from his
    father? – What are you talking about? -Sure! Defend him! -pass the wurst
    there -Mo Moskowitz, he had a coronary -You don’t say! -How do you plan
    to spend the holidays, Mrs Singer? — We fast. – Fast? -No food. To
    atone for our sins -What sins? I don’t understand -To tell you the
    truth, neither do we -Alvy -Hi, Duane. How’s it goin’? -This is my room
    -Oh, yeah? It’s terrific -Can I confess something? -I tell you this
    because, as an artist, I think you’ll understand -Sometimes when I’m
    driving -on the road at night, I see two headlights coming toward me
    -Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly -head-on
    into the oncoming car -I can anticipate the explosion -The sound of
    shattering glass. The… -flames rising out of the flowing gasoline
    -Right. Well… -I have to go now, Duane, because I… -I’m due back on the
    planet Earth — Don’t let it be so long. – Look up Uncle Billy — He is
    adorable. – Do you think so? — You’re taking them to the airport? –
    Duane can. I haven’t finished my drink -Yes, Duane is. Just a second. I
    have to get… — You followed me. – I didn’t follow you -You followed me!
    -I was walking behind staring at you. That’s not following — What is
    your definition of following? – I was spying — Do you realise how
    paranoid you are? – You’ve got your arms around a guy -That is the worst
    kind of paranoid -I didn’t start out spying. I thought I’d pick you up
    after school -You wanted to keep the relationship flexible, remember?
    -You’re having an affair with your professor -That jerk that teaches
    that crap course – Contemporary Crisis in Western Man? -Existential
    Motifs in Russian Literature! -It’s all mental masturbation -We finally
    get to a subject you know about -Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with
    someone I love -We’re not having an affair. He’s married. He just
    happens to think I’m neat -Neat. Are you years old? — That’s a Chippewa
    Falls expression. – Who cares?! -Next he’ll find you keen and peachy.
    Then he’s got his hand on your ass -You’ve always had hostility towards
    David — You call your teacher David? – It’s his name -It’s a biblical
    name, right? What does he call you? Bathsheba? -Alvy, you’re the one who
    never wanted to make a real commitment -You don“t think l”m smart
    enough. -We had that argument just last month. Or dont you remember that
    day? — I’m home! – Oh, yeah? How did it go? -Oh, it was really weird,
    but she’s a very nice woman -I didn’t have to lie down on the couch. She
    had me sitting up -I told her about the family and my feelings towards
    men -and my relationship with my brother -She mentioned penis envy. Do
    you know about that? -I’m one of the few males who suffers from that. Go
    on. I’m interested -She said I was very guilty about my impulses towards
    marriage and children -Then I remembered, when I was a kid, I
    accidentally saw my parents making love -All this happened the first
    hour? -I’ve been going for years. I don’t have… nothing like that -I
    told her my dream and then I cried -You cried? I have never once cried.
    That’s fantastic -I whine. I sit and I whine -In my dream, Frank Sinatra
    is holding this pillow across my face and I can’t breathe — Sinatra? –
    Yeah. Strangling me -Sure. Because he’s a singer and you’re a singer
    -It’s perfect. So you’re trying to suffocate yourself -It’s a perfect
    analytic kind of insight -She said your name was Alvy Singer — What do
    you mean? Me? – Yeah, you -Because in the dream I break Sinatra’s
    glasses -You never said Sinatra had glasses. What are you saying? That
    I’m suffocating you? -God, Alvy. I did this really terrible thing to him
    -Because then, when he sang, it was in this real high-pitched voice
    -What did the doctor say? -I should probably come five times a week -I
    don’t think I mind analysis at all. The only question is, will it change
    my wife? — Will it change your wife? – My life — You said, “Will it
    change my wife?” – I said, “Will it change my life?” — You said wife. –
    Life! I said life -She said, “Will it change my wife?” You heard that,
    so I’m not crazy -I told her I didn’t think you’d ever take me seriously
    -because you don’t think I’m smart enough -Why do you always bring that
    up? -Because I encourage you to take adult education courses? -You meet
    wonderful, interesting professors -Adult education is such junk. The
    professors are so phoney -I don’t care what you say about David. He’s a
    fine teacher -And why are you following me around? — I was following
    you and David. – Let’s call it quits -That’s fine. That’s great. I don’t
    know what I did wrong -She cooled off to me. Is it something that I did?
    -It’s never something you do. That’s how people are. Love fades -Love
    fades? God! That’s a depressing thought -I have to ask you a question.
    With your wife in bed -does she need some kind of artificial
    stimulation? Like marijuana? -We use a large vibrating egg -A large
    vibrating egg? -Well, I ask a psychopath, I get that kind of an answer.
    Jesus! -Here. You look like a very happy couple — Are you? – Yeah -So
    how do you account for it? -I’m very shallow and empty -and I have no
    ideas and nothing interesting to say — And I’m exactly the same way. –
    I see. Well, that’s very interesting -So you’ve managed to work out
    something, huh? -Well, thanks very much for talking to me -Even as a
    kid, I always went for the wrong women. I think thats my problem. -My
    mother took me to see Snow White. Everyone fell in love with Snow White.
    -I immediately fell for the Wicked Queen. — We never have any fun any
    more. – How can you say that? -You’re always leaning on me to improve
    myself -You must be getting your period -I don’t get a period! I’m a
    cartoon character -Can’t I be upset once in a while? -Max, forget about
    Annie. I know lots of women you can date -I don’t wanna go out with any
    other women -I have got a girl for you. You’ll love her. She’s a
    reporter for Rolling Stone. -I think there are more people here to see
    the Maharishi than there were for Dylan -I covered the Dylan concert,
    which gave me chills -Especially when he sang, “She takes just like a
    woman.” -“And she makes love just like a woman. Yes, she does.” -“And
    she aches just like a woman.” -“But she breaks just like a little girl.”
    -After that, the most charismatic event I covered -was Mick’s birthday
    at Madison Square Garden — That’s great. That’s just great. – Did you
    catch Dylan? -Me? No, I couldn’t make it. My raccoon had hepatitis -You
    have a raccoon? -A few -The only word for this is transplendid -It’s
    transplendid -I can think of another word -He’s God. This man is God.
    He’s got millions of followers -who would crawl across the world just to
    touch the hem of his garment -Yeah? Must be a tremendous hem -I’m a
    Rosicrucian myself -I can’t get with any religion that advertises in
    popular Mechanics. -Look. There’s God coming out of the men’s room -It’s
    unbelievably transplendid! -I was at the Stones concert when they killed
    that guy -Were you? I was at an Alice Cooper thing -where six people
    were rushed to the hospital with bad vibes -I hope you don’t mind that I
    took so long to finish -Oh, no. Don’t be… Don’t be silly. You know, I…
    -I’m starting to get some feeling back in my jaw now -Sex with you is
    really a Kafkaesque experience -Oh. Thank you -I mean that as a
    compliment -I think… I think there’s too much burden placed on the
    orgasm -You know, to make up for empty areas in life -Who said that? -I
    don’t know. I think it may have been Leopold and Loeb -Oh, hi! -Uh… no.
    What… -What’s the matter? -You sound terrible -No. Sure, I… -What kind
    of emergency? -No. Well, stay there. I’ll come over right now -Just stay
    there. I’ll come right over -It’s me. Open up. Are you OK? -What’s the
    matter? Are you all right? -There’s a spider in the bathroom -What?
    -There’s a big, black spider in the bathroom -You got me here at three
    in the morning cos there’s a spider in the bathroom? -You know how I am
    about insects. I can’t sleep with a live thing crawling around -Kill it!
    What’s wrong with you? Don’t you have a can of Raid? -I told you a
    thousand times. You should always keep a lotta insect spray -You never
    know who’s gonna crawl over -And a first-aid kit and a
    fire-extinguisher… -Give me a magazine, cos I’m a little tired -You make
    fun of me, but I’m prepared for anything -An emergency, a tidal wave, an
    earthquake -Hey, what is this? Did you go to a rock concert? -Oh, yeah?
    Really? -How’d you like it? -Was it… I mean, was it heavy? Did it
    achieve total heavy-ocity? -It was just great -Why don’t you get the guy
    that took you to the rock concert -to come over and kill the spider? -I
    called you. You wanna help me or not, huh? -Since when do you read the
    National Review? — What are you turning into? – I like to try to get
    all points of view -Then get William F Buckley to kill the spider -Alvy,
    you’re a little hostile. You know that? -Not only that. You look thin
    and tired -It’s three o’clock in the morning! You got me out of bed -I
    ran over here. I couldn’t get a taxi cab. You said it was an emergency
    -I ran up the stairs. I was a lot more attractive when the evening began
    -Are you going with a right-wing rock-and-roll star? -Would you like a
    glass of chocolate milk? -Hey, what am I? Your son? I came over for… -I
    got the good chocolate — Where’s the spider? – It’s in the bathroom
    -Don’t squish it. And after it’s dead, flush it down the toilet a couple
    of times -Darling, I’ve been killing spiders since I was , OK? -It’s a
    very big spider. Lotta trouble. There’s two of them -I didn’t think it
    was that big, but it’s a major spider. You got a broom? -It’s at your
    house. I think I left it there. I’m sorry. What are you doing? -Honey,
    there’s a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick — What is this?
    You got black soap? – It’s for my complexion -What, are you joining a
    minstrel show? -Don’t worry! -I did it. I killed them both. What are you
    sad about? -What did you want me to do? Capture ’em and rehabilitate
    ’em? — Oh, don’t go. please. – What do you mean, don’t… -What’s the
    matter? Are you expecting termites? -What’s the matter? -I don’t know. I
    miss you — Oh, Jesus. Really? – Oh, yeah — Alvy? – What? -Was there
    somebody in your room when I called you? — What do you mean? – Was
    there… I thought I heard a voice -I had the radio on. I’m sorry – it was
    the television set -I was watching… -Alvy, let’s never break up again -I
    don’t wanna be apart -I think we’re both much too mature for something
    like that -Living together hasn’t been so bad, has it? -No. For me, it’s
    been terrific. You know? -Better than either one of my marriages
    -There’s just something different about you. I don’t know what it is,
    but it’s great -You know, I think that if you let me, maybe I could help
    you have more fun -I mean, I know it’s hard. It’s… -Alvy, what about…
    what if we go away this weekend? -Why don’t we get Rob, and the three of
    us would drive into Brooklyn? -We could show you the old neighbourhood.
    That’d be fun for you -Yeah, it would -Oh, my God! It’s a great day!
    -Watch the road! You’re gonna total the whole car! -I’ve never even been
    to Brooklyn -I can’t wait to see the old neighbourhood. We can show her
    the schoolyard -I was a great athlete. Tell her, Max. The best. I was
    all-schoolyard -They threw him a football once and he tried to dribble
    it -I used to lose my glasses a lot -Oh, look! That’s my old house.
    That’s where I used to live -Holy cow! -You’re lucky. Where I lived is
    now a pornographic equipment store -I have some very good memories there
    -Your mother and father fighting all the time? -Yeah, and always over
    the most ridiculous things — You fired the cleaner? – She stole! -She’s
    coloured! They have enough trouble! — She went through my pocketbook! –
    They’re persecuted enough! — Who’s persecuting? She stole! – So? We can
    afford it! -How can we afford it? On your pay? What if she steals more?
    -She’s a coloured woman from Harlem! She has no money! -She’s got a
    right to steal from us! Who is she gonna steal from if not us? — You’re
    both crazy! – They can’t hear you, Max -Leo, I married a fool! -Hey,
    Max. What’s that? -That’s the welcome-home party, , for my cousin Herbie
    -Look. There. That’s Joey Nichols. He was my father’s friend -He was
    always bothering me when I was a kid -Joey Nichols. See? Nickels -See?
    Nickels -You see? Nickels. You can always remember my name -Just think
    of Joey Five Cents -That’s me! Joey Five Cents! -What an asshole -The
    one who killed me the most was my mother’s sister Tessie -I was always
    the sister with good common sense -Tessie was always the one with
    personality -When she was younger, they all wanted to marry Tessie
    -Tessie Moskowitz had the personality. She’s the life of the ghetto, no
    doubt -She was once a great beauty -Tessie, they say you were the sister
    with personality -I was a great beauty — How did this personality come
    about? – I was very charming -There were many men interested in you?
    -Oh, I was quite a lively dancer -That’s very hard to believe -Well, I
    had a really good day. It was just a real fine way to spend my birthday
    — Your birthday’s not till tomorrow. – But it’s real close -Yeah, but
    no presents till midnight -I wonder what this is — Happy birthday. –
    What is this? -Is this a present? Are you kidding? — Yeah. Why don’t
    you try it on? – Yeah? I don’t… — This is more like a present for you.
  • It’ll add ten years to our sex life — Yeah. Forget it. – Here’s a
    real present -Oh, yeah? What is this, anyway? — Check it out. – Let me
    see -OK. Let’s see -Oh, God! -You knew I wanted this. God! It’s terrific
    -Just put on the watch and the… and that thing and everything -Oh, God.
    Oh -Seems like -Old times -Having you -To walk with -Seems like -Old
    times -Having you to walk with -And it’s still a thrill -Just to have my
    arms around you -Still the thrill -That it was the day I found you
    -Seems like -Old times -Dinner dates and flowers -Old times -Staying up
    all hours -Making dreams come true -Doing things we used to do -Seems
    like old times -Here with -You -Thank you -You were sensational. I told
    you if you stuck to it you would be great -And… and you know… you were
    sensational -Well, Alvy, they were just a terrific audience -It makes it
    really easy for me because I can be… -Excuse me -Hi, I’m Tony Lacey -We
    just wanted to stop by and say that we really enjoyed your set -Oh,
    yeah, really? -I thought it was very musical and I liked it a lot
    -That’s really nice. Thanks a lot -Are you recording? Do you… Are you
    with any label now? -Me? No -No. Not at all -Well, I’d like to talk to
    you about that sometime if you get a chance — possibly working
    together. – Well, that’s nice -Oh, listen. This is Alvy Singer. Do you
    know Alvy? -No, but I know your work. I’m a big fan of yours -Thank you
    very much -This is Shaun and Bob and… Bob and petronia -Hi -We’re going
    back to the pierre. We’re staying at the pierre -We’re gonna meet Jack
    and Anjelica and have a drink -If you’d like to come, we’d love to have
    you -We can just sit and talk. Nothing… -Not a big deal. It’s just
    relaxed. It would just be very mellow -Remember we have that thing -What
    thing? -Don’t you remember we discussed that thing that we were… We had
    a… -Oh, the thing! -Yeah… -Oh, well, if it’s inconvenient, that’s fine
    too. We’ll do it another time -Maybe if you’re on the coast, we’ll get
    together and meet there -It was a wonderful set. I really enjoyed it
    -Nice to have met you. Good night -Bye -What’s the matter? You wanted to
    go to that party? -I don’t know. I thought it might be kinda fun -It
    would be nice to meet some new people -I don’t think I could take a
    mellow evening. I don’t respond well to mellow -I have a tendency to… If
    I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot -It’s not good for my… -So you
    don’t wanna go to the party. So what do you wanna do? -That was the last
    day I remember really having a good time — We never have any laughs any
    more. – I’ve been moody and dissatisfied — How often do you sleep
    together? – Do you have sex often? — Hardly ever. Maybe three times a
    week. – Constantly. I’d say three times a week — The other night Alvy
    wanted to have sex. – She would not sleep with me -Then… I don’t know…
    Six months ago I would have done it just to please him -I tried
    everything, you know. I put on soft music and my red light bulb -But the
    thing is, since our discussions here -I feel I have a right to my own
    feelings -I think you would have been happy because I asserted myself
    -I’m paying for her analysis. And she’s making progress and I’m getting
    screwed -I feel so guilty because Alvy is paying for it -So I do feel
    guilty if I don’t go to bed with him -If I do go to bed with him, it’s
    like I’m going against my own feelings -She’s making progress and I’m
    not. Her progress is killing my progress -Sometimes I think I should
    just live with a woman -I don’t believe it! You mean to tell me you guys
    have never snorted coke? -Well, I always wanted to try. But Alvy, he’s
    very down on it -Don’t put it on me. I don’t wanna put a wad of white
    powder in my nose -There’s the nasal membrane — You never wanna try
    anything new, Alvy. – How can you say that? -I said that you, I and that
    girl from your acting class should have a threesome — Well, that’s
    sick! – I know it’s sick, but it’s new -You didn’t say it couldn’t be
    sick -Come on, Alvy -Do your body a favour. Try it -I’m sure it’s a lot
    of fun, cos the Incas did it -And they were a million laughs -Come on.
    For your own experience. You wanna write -It’s great stuff. A friend of
    mine just brought it in from California -Oh, you know, we’re going to
    California next week -It’s incredible. I’m thrilled, as you know -On my
    agent’s advice, I sold out and I’m gonna do an appearance on TV -No.
    That’s not it at all. Alvy’s giving an award on television -You act like
    you’re violating a moral issue -We have to leave New York during
    Christmas week, which kills me -Listen, while you’re in California,
    could you possibly score some coke for me? -Oh, sure. I’d be glad to.
    I’ll just put it in a hollow heel that I have on my boot -How much is
    this stuff, incidentally? -It’s about $, an ounce -Really? And what is
    the kick of it? Cos I never… -I’ve never been so relaxed as I have been
    since I moved here, Max -I want you to see my house. I live next to Hugh
    Hefner. He lets me use the Jacuzzi -And the women are like the women in
    playboy magazine -only they can move their arms and legs -I can’t get
    over it – this is really Beverly Hills -The architecture’s so consistent
    -French next to Spanish next to Tudor next to Japanese -God! It’s so
    clean out here -They don’t throw their garbage out. They make it into TV
    shows -Give us a break, Max. It’s Christmas -Can you believe this is
    Christmas? -It was snowing and really grey in New York, naturally -Santa
    Claus’ll have sunstroke -Max, there’s no crime. There’s no mugging
    -There’s no economic crime -But there’s ritual religious-cult murders.
    There’s wheat-germ killers out here -While you’re out here, I want you
    to see some of my TV show -And we’re invited to a big Christmas party
    -All right now, Charlie, give me a good laugh here -… limousine to the
    track break down? -A little bigger -Max, you realise how immoral this
    all is? — Max, I got a hit series. – I know. But you’re adding fake
    laughs -… home so early. -Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie -We
    do this show live in front of an audience -And nobody laughs, cos the
    jokes aren’t funny -That’s why this machine is dynamite -Honey, you“d
    better lie down. You”ve been in the sun too long. -Now give me a
    medium-sized chuckle here -And then a big hand -Is there booing on that?
    -Oh, Max -I don’t feel well — What’s the matter? – I don’t know. I just
    got… very dizzy — I feel dizzy, Max. – Well, sit down -Oh, Jesus! —
    Are you all right? – I don’t know — You wanna lie down? – No. My
    stomach felt queasy all morning — How about a ginger ale? – Oh… Max, no
    -Maybe I’d better lie down -Why don’t you try to get a little of this
    down? It’s just plain chicken -Oh, no. I can’t eat this -I’m nauseous
    -If you can just give me something to get me through the next two hours
    -I have to go out to Burbank and give out an award on a TV show -There’s
    nothing wrong with you, actually, so far as I can tell -You have no
    fever. No symptoms of anything serious — You haven’t eaten pork or
    shellfish. – Excuse me. I’m sorry, doctor -Alvy, that was the show. They
    said everything is fine -They found a replacement so they’re going to
    tape without you -Jesus! Now I don’t get to do the TV show? — I know.
    Listen, doctor. – I was just saying, I can’t find anything — Nothing at
    all? – No. I could get a lab man up here -Can I have the salt, please?
    -perhaps it would be even better if we took him to hospital for a day or
    two -Otherwise there’s no real way to tell what’s going on -This is not
    bad, actually -Don’t tell me we have to walk from the car to the house
    -My feet haven’t touched pavement since I reached Los Angeles -I’ll take
    a meeting with you if you’ll take a meeting with Freddy -I took a
    meeting with Freddy. Freddy took a meeting with Charlie -All the good
    meetings are taken -Right now it’s only a notion. But I think I can get
    money -to make it into a concept, and then turn it into an idea -Like
    this house, Max? -I even brought a map to get us to the bathroom -You
    should have told me it was Tony Lacey’s party -What difference does that
    make? — I think he has a thing for Annie. – No. Unfortunately, Max —
    he goes with that girl over there. – Where? -The one with the VpL
    -Visible panty Line — Max, she is gorgeous. – Yeah, she’s a ten, Max —
    Great for you, cos you’re used to twos. – There are no twos, Max -The
    kind with shopping bags in Central park with surgical masks on,
    muttering -How do you like this couple? They just came back from Masters
    and Johnson -Yeah. Intensive care ward -My God. Hey, Max, I think she’s
    giving me the eye -If she comes over, my brain’ll turn into guacamole —
    Hi. – You’re Alvy Singer, right? — Didn’t we meet at EST? – No, I was
    never to EST — Then how can you criticise it? – Oh, he didn’t say
    anything -I came out to get some shock therapy, but there was an energy
    crisis — He’s my food taster. Have you two met? – How you doing? — You
    taste to see if the food’s poisoned? – Yeah. He’s crazy -You guys are
    wearing white. It must be in the stars. Uri Geller must be here -We’re
    gonna operate together -We just need about six weeks. In six weeks we
    could cut the whole album -I don’t know. This is strange to me -You can
    come and stay here. There’s a whole wing you can have — Yeah? Stay
    here? – Really. Why are you smiling? -I don’t know -Not only is he a
    great agent, but he really gives good meeting -This is a great house.
    Really. Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts -You know who the original
    owners were? Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond — Then you know who lived
    here? – Trigger -Charlie Chaplin. Right before his un-American thing
    -That’s great — But you guys are still New Yorkers. – Yeah, I love it
    there -I used to live there. I used to live there for years, but… It’s
    so dirty now -I’m into garbage. It’s my thing -This is a really nice
    screening room, Tony -There’s another thing about New York -If you wanna
    see a movie, you have to stand in line. It could be freezing -We saw
    Grand Illusion here last night -Hey, that’s a great film if you’re high
    -Come and see our bedroom. We did a fantastic thing -No, thanks, man.
    I’m cool -It’s wonderful. They just eat and watch movies all day -And
    gradually you get old and die -It’s important to make an effort once in
    a while -Do you think his girlfriend’s beautiful? -A tad on the
    androgynous side, but dynamite -Yeah. I forgot my mantra -That was fun.
    -I don“t think California”s bad at all. -Its a drag coming home. -A lot
    of beautiful women. -It was fun to flirt. -I have to face facts. -I
    adore Alvy, but our relationship doesnt seem to work any more. -Lll have
    the usual trouble with Annie in bed tonight. -What do I need this? -If
    only I had the nerve to break up. But it would really hurt him. -If only
    I didnt feel guilty asking Annie to move out. -Itd probably wreck her.
    But I should be honest. -Alvy, let’s face it. You know… -I don’t think
    our relationship is working -I know. A relationship, I think, is like a
    shark -It has to constantly move forward, or it dies -And I think what
    we got on our hands is a dead shark -Whose Catcher in the Rye is this?
    -If it has my name on it, then I guess it’s mine -It sure has… You wrote
    your name in all my books -cos you knew this day was gonna come -Alvy,
    you wanted to break up just as much as I do -No question. I think we’re
    doing the mature thing, without any doubt -All the books on death and
    dying are yours, and all the poetry books are mine -Denial of Death.
    This is the first book that I got you. Remember that day? -Jeez, I feel
    like there’s a great weight off my back. Hm -Oh. Thanks, Annie -Oh, no,
    no, no. I mean, I think it’s really important for us -to explore new
    relationships and stuff like that -There’s no question about that. Cos
    we’ve given this a more than fair shot -My analyst thinks this move is
    key for me -And, you know, I trust her. Because my analyst recommended
    her -Why should I put you through all my moods and hang-ups anyway? -And
    you know what the beauty part is? — We can always get back together
    again. – Exactly -I don’t think many couples could handle this. Just
    break up and remain friends -Hey, this one’s mine, this button. I guess
    these are all yours -Impeach Eisenhower. Impeach Nixon -Impeach Lyndon
    Johnson. Impeach Ronald Reagan -I miss Annie. I made a terrible mistake
    -She’s living in Los Angeles with Tony Lacey -Then the hell with her. If
    she likes that lifestyle, let her live there — He’s a jerk, for one
    thing. – He graduated Harvard -He may have… Listen, Harvard makes
    mistakes too. Kissinger taught there -Don’t tell me you’re jealous
    -Yeah. Jealous? A little bit. Like Medea -Can I show you something,
    lady? I have here… I found this in the apartment -Black soap. She used
    to wash her face times a day with black soap -Don’t ask me why -Why
    don’t you go out with other women? -Well, I tried. But it’s… you know,
    it’s very depressing -This always happens to me. Quick! Get a broom!
    -What are you making such a big deal about? They’re only lobsters
    -You’re a grown man. You know how to pick up a lobster — I’m not myself
    since I stopped smoking. – When did you quit? – years ago -What do you
    mean? -Mean? -You stopped smoking years ago. Is that what you said? -I
    don’t understand -Are you joking or what? -Central park’s turning green
    -Yeah. I saw that lunatic that we used to see -with the pinwheel hat,
    you know, and the roller skates -Listen, I… I want you to come back here
    -Well… Then I’m gonna come out there and get you -What do you mean,
    where am I? Where do you think I am? -I’m at the Los Angeles airport. I
    flew in -I… Well, I flew in to see you -Hey, listen. Can we not debate
    this on the telephone? -Because I feel that I got a temperature -And I’m
    getting my chronic Los Angeles nausea already. I don’t feel so good
    -Wherever you wanna meet. I don“t care. L”ll drive in. I rented a car.
    -Lm driving. What do you… -What, is that such a miracle? Lm driving
    myself. -I’m gonna have the alfalfa sprouts and… -a plate of mashed
    yeast -You look very pretty -Oh, no. I just lost a little weight, that’s
    all -Well… you look nice -I’ve been thinking about it, and I think that
    we should get married -Oh, Alvy. Come on -Why? You wanna live out here?
    -It’s like living in Munchkin Land -What do you mean? It’s perfectly
    fine out here -I mean, Tony’s very nice -And… well, I meet people and I
    go to parties and we play tennis -I mean, that’s a very big step for me,
    you know -I mean, I’m able to enjoy people more -So… you’re not gonna
    come back to New York? -What’s so great about New York? It’s a dying
    city. You read Death in Venice. -You didn’t read Death in Venice till I
    bought it for you -That’s right. You only gave me books with the word
    “death” in the title -Cos it’s an important issue -Alvy, you’re
    incapable of enjoying life -You’re like New York City. You’re just this
    person -You’re like this island unto yourself -I can’t enjoy anything
    unless everybody is -If one guy is starving someplace, that’s… it puts a
    crimp in my evening -So you wanna get married or what? -No. We’re
    friends -I wanna remain friends -OK -Check, please! -You’re mad, aren’t
    you? -Yes, of course I’m mad. Because you love me. I know that -Alvy, I
    can’t say that that’s true at this point in my life. I really can’t -You
    know how wonderful you are -You know you’re the reason that I got out of
    my room and that I was able to sing -and get more in touch with my
    feelings and all that crap -Anyway, look, I don’t wanna… Listen, listen,
    listen… -So what are you up to anyway, huh? -The usual, you know. I’m
    trying to write. I’m working on a play -So what are you saying? You’re
    not coming back to New York with me? -No. Look… -I gotta go — I flew ,
    miles to see you. – I’m late -Air miles. You know what that does to my
    stomach? -It’s a hectic time for Tony. The Grammies are tonight — The
    what? – He’s got a lot of records up for awards -They give awards for
    that music? I thought just earplugs -Just forget it! Let’s just forget
    the conversation -Awards! They do nothing but give out awardswww.4355mg娱乐游戏,! I can’t
    believe it -Greatest fascist dictator – Adolf Hitler -I know what you’re
    gonna say. I’m not a great driver. I have some problems with… -Can I see
    your licence, please? -Just don’t get angry or anything, cos I… -I have
    my licence here -It’s a rented car and I… I… -Here -Don’t give me your
    life… -story -Just pick up the licence -You have to ask nicely cos I’ve
    had an extremely rough day. My girlfriend… -Just give me the licence,
    please -Since you put it that way, it’s hard for me to refuse -I have a
    terrific problem with authority -It’s not your fault. Don’t take it
    personal -So long, fellas. Keep in touch -Imagine my surprise when I got
    your call, Max -Yeah. I had the feeling that I got you at a bad moment
    -I heard high-pitched squealing -Twins, Max –year-olds -Can you imagine
    the mathematical possibilities of that? -You’re an actor, Max. You
    should be doing Shakespeare in the park -I did Shakespeare in the park,
    Max. I got mugged -I was playing Richard II, and two guys with leather
    jackets stole my leotard -Max, are we driving through plutonium? -It
    keeps out the alpha rays, Max -You don’t get old -You’re a thinking
    person. How can you choose this lifestyle? -What is so incredibly great
    about New York? -It’s a dying city. You read Death in Venice. -You
    didn’t read it till I gave it to you -You only give me books with
    “death” in the title — It’s an important issue. – You are totally
    incapable of enjoying life -You’re like New York. You’re an island -OK.
    If that’s all that we’ve been through together means to you -I guess
    it’s better if we just say goodbye, once and for all -You know, it’s
    funny, after all the serious talks and passionate moments -that it ends
    here, in a health-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard -Goodbye, Sunny
    -Wait -I’m gonna go with you -I love you -What do you want? It was my
    first play -You know how you’re always trying to get things to come out
    perfect in art -because it’s real difficult in life -Interestingly,
    however, I did run into Annie again -It was on the Upper West Side of
    Manhattan -She had moved back to New York. She was living in SoHo with
    some guy. -And when I met her, she was dragging him in to see The Sorrow
    and the pity, -which I counted as a personal triumph. -Annie and I had
    lunch sometime after that and… -just kicked around old times. -Just to
    have my arms -Around you -Still the thrill that it was -The day I found
    you -Seems like -Old times -Dinner dates and flowers -Old times -After
    that, it got pretty late and we both had to go. -But it was great seeing
    Annie again. I realised what a terrific person she was -and how much fun
    it was just knowing her. -And I thought of that old joke, you know.
    -This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, -“Doc, my brother”s crazy. He
    thinks he“s a chicken.” -And the doctor says, “Well, why don”t you turn
    him in? -And the guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” -Well, I
    guess thats pretty much now how I feel about relationships. -You know,
    theyre totally irrational and crazy and absurd and… -But I guess we keep
    going through it because most of us need the eggs. -Visiontext
    subtitles: Sally Lewis-

–Look, I konw what you must be thinking. Poor, little, rich girl.
What does she konw about misery. -No, it’s not what I was thinking.
what I was thinking was what could have happened to this girl to make
she think she has no way out.

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–Do you love him? -Pardon me? -Do you love him. -You’v been very
rude. You shouldn’t be saking me this. -It’s a simple question. Do you
love that guy or not? -This is not a suitable conversation.-Why can’t
youjust answer the question?

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–This is absurd. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. And we are
not having this consersation at all.

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-You are rude… and I am leaaving now.

www.4355mg娱乐游戏 4

形容词没听驾驭

-Jack, Mr. Dawson, it’s been a pleasure. I thought you out to thank
you and now I have thanked you.

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-And even scolded me.

–And even scolded me.

www.4355mg娱乐游戏 6

–Well, you deserved it.

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